Small Joys by Elvin James Mensah

Author:Elvin James Mensah [Mensah, Elvin James]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2023-04-11T00:00:00+00:00

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Something strange happened when I decided to have a bath that evening. I stood there, looking at the tub filling with water, overcome with this terrible feeling. After a few minutes Muddy came up behind me, wanting to brush his teeth. He asked if I was okay, and I just looked at him blankly. Like at the pool, he seemed to understand something about my expression. He looked at the tub, then back at me and shrugged. He took off his shirt and boxers and we looked at each other in silence. I attempted to remove my clothes single-handedly, but he laughed and asked me to lift my arms in the air so he could help.

He turned off the taps and we sat opposite each other in the lukewarm water. We had our arms crossed over our knees and our feet on top of each other’s. “Well,” he said, “this is a bit different, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I said, “when you said I wouldn’t be on my own, I didn’t think you meant it quite so literally.”

“Still, quite nice, this,” he said. “Don’t think I’ve ever been in the tub with someone else before.”

“Especially not another guy, right?”

He giggled. “Bet you’ve been in the tub with loads of blokes.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I dunno,” he said, “I was just trying to get a laugh out of you.” I gave him that laugh. “So, what happens now then?”

I was quiet for a moment. “I’m not sure.”

“We should probably start thinking about getting you in to see one of them speccy birds with the glasses and the clipboards.”

“And just so we’re on the same page,” I said, “you’re talking about a therapist, aren’t you?”

“That’s the one.”

I was silent again. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve spent a day on suicide watch. I don’t know if I’m ready to think about a therapist.”

“But you will start thinking about it, won’t you?” he said. “Seriously, pal.”

I looked down at my bandage again. I thought about the time I’d tried to be my own best friend and how I’d now betrayed myself. If being a good person began with being one to yourself, then perhaps I hadn’t deserved, and still didn’t deserve, to be loved or wanted. Eventually the water became clouded with soap, our sponges dripping over on the side after we’d used them. Muddy was singing “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba now and drumming the sides of the bath. He then stood up, grunting loudly. He had a thick uncircumcised dick that dangled beneath some dark pubic hair, which he quickly covered up. “Apologies, pal!” he said. “No one needs a face full of my todger this late in the evening.”

I laughed. “When would the appropriate times be then?”

“I dunno, mate,” he said, putting his hands on his hips and looking down at it curiously. “I’ll have to write you up a schedule or something.”

I watched him towel himself dry by the mirror, chuckling at how chaotically he did it, dragging the towel between his thighs, and then rolling it up into a rope and whipping his back to catch the droplets.

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